The Undateable Men of Literature and Film

Hello again. Last week we regaled you with our picks for the most swoon worthy men of literature and film. In the interest of fairness, we thought we would discuss the other end of the spectrum: the most undateable men of literature and film.

 

Now, it should go without saying that this is not a comprehensive list. If you are reading a book or watching a movie that features a serial killer, a man who has a major problem with monogamy, or Jabba the Hutt, those characters would also be terrible to date.

 

In the fashion of the last blog, we shall list a few men we agree upon and then our own picks.

Let’s do this.

3. Sweeney Todd:

“There was a barber and his wife, and he was beautiful. A proper artist with a knife, but they transported him for life. And he was beautiful.” Sweeney Todd, or Benjamin Barker if you knew him before the exile, was bent on repaying Judge Turpin for the terrible turn his life took, not only the exile but the taking of his wife and daughter. With a song in his heart, Sweeney Todd begins slashing the throats of the men coming to his barbershop for a shave and then eating the meat pies the victims were baked into. In the end, he killed his wife (In his defense, he didn’t know it was her) and threw his sort of girlfriend into an oven. A murderous cannibalistic barber. We hope we don’t have to tell you why Sweeney Todd is on this list.

 

Chelsea: Benjamin Barker would be quite a catch for most women. He is a very nice man with his own business. Sweeney Todd, however is not a kind person. He is very protective of those he loves, but seems to have a problem recognizing his wife and daughter. The murder and cannibalism  land him squarely on this list with no hope of redemption.   

 

Keisha: Sweeney Todd has a bit of a sweetness to him. One cannot fault him much for wanting revenge on the judge who exiled him. His story is such a sad one that it’s no wonder he’s a bit unhinged. He really just wants his old life back. He thinks that his wife is dead, so he does what he can to get his daughter back from the awful Judge Turpin. And he sings. However, I cannot turn a blind eye to the cannibalism. It was an enterprising sort of idea changing them into meat pies, but I would never date a guy who may have another woman turn me into a pastry.

 

2. Any Hero from the Shakespearean Tragedies:

 

If you are dating one of these guys, the chance you have shuffled off the mortal coil by Act 5 are pretty much 100%. While that should be enough to dissuade you from any involvement, here is a sampling of how your death would occur and some treatment before.

Romeo:

Chelsea: I am fully aware this is the greatest love story in literature. In Act 1, Romeo is swooning over a girl named Rosaline; when he informs his cousin and best friend Benvolio of his affliction, Benvolio shows no sympathy. Romeo falls in and out of love on a pretty regular basis. Benvolio drags Romeo to a party, where he knows Romeo will fall in love with yet another girl. He does indeed fall for Juliet. He then proceeds to hang out in her garden, kill her cousin, kill her suitor and be the cause of her suicide. Moral of the story: Do not date Romeo.

 

Keisha: I have never liked Romeo and Juliet. It’s about the only major Shakespeare play I cannot stand. Romeo is so fickle. He seems to be in love with someone new every day. He meets Juliet at a party where he is trying to get over yet another girl he is in love with. Why didn’t Rosaline like him? Probably because he had a bit of a reputation around Verona for being a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type. He does marry Juliet though, but that might have just been the thrill of rebellion against his parents. And he likes to kill people. He inadvertently causes the death of his best friend, Mecurtio, slays Tybalt, and kills the poor mourning Paris. Romeo is not good news.

 

Hamlet:

 

Chelsea: I know, Ophelia, he is a prince. However, dating him is still not the best idea. Aside from being a general jerk, he will kill your father, drive you to madness, kill your brother and be the cause of you taking a little swim, forever. He will cradle and kiss your lifeless body in your grave, but that isn’t doing you much good now is it?

 

Keisha: Hamlet is one of my favorite Shakespearean characters. I can actually see myself being friends with him. Of course, he’s a bit mopey at the beginning of the play, but he does think that his uncle killed his father. He’s well-educated and very witty. Then, he starts to pretend he’s crazy (or maybe he really is. Scholars debate this a lot.). And then he tells his woman to get to a nunnery. I don’t think I would be able to date a man who thought I should become a nun. That just sends the wrong message.

 

Othello:

 

Chelsea: Keep a very close eye on that handkerchief Othello gave you, the one embroidered with strawberries. Keep his friend Iago away from him as well.  When you misplace that handkerchief, your husband will decide you are cheating on him and smother you with a pillow.

 

Keisha: Othello has major jealousy issues. On top of that, he’s not a very good judge of character. He seems to completely trust Iago, the villain. He also seems to live by the idea of if his woman doesn’t love him, then she shouldn’t live to love anyone else. And this is all over a lost handkerchief. He really has no redeeming aspects to his character. Jealousy and a tendency to suffocate his wife with a pillow rules out Othello for me.

1. Prince Charming (Disney):

 

Prince Charming. The name brings to mind the images of the perfect man: brave, strong, and romantic. Chances are an image of a Disney character pops into your head. The question is, which Prince Charming? Do a google image search of “Prince Charming,” and you get pictures from both Cinderella and Snow White. Yes. It’s the same guy. Not so charming now, is he? If we look at Snow White, we’ll notice that Charming has a bit of a “bordering on necrophilia” thing going on. What sort of guy rides his horse through the forest, finds a group of dwarfs, and thinks “Why don’t I kiss this dead girl?” Creepy. In Cinderella, Charming dances the night away with a woman he thinks he may be in love with and never even asks her name. In addition, when he tries to find her, he sends a man with a slipper with the idea that whomever it fits must be the woman he’s looking for. Yeah, because each woman has a different shoe size. Stupid. In summary, Prince Charming is a creepy, stupid prince with a monogamy issue. Good thing he’s royalty.

 

Chelsea: The character of Prince Charming has never been well developed. I’m not even sure if it is a name or a description. Either way, it is a bit narcissistic of a name to be known by. He doesn’t even ask Cinderella’s name and knows next to nothing about either girl, except they look pretty in a dress and like housework.  As we all know, those are the only important qualities in a girl. I wonder if Prince Charming has a harem of women, not just Snow White and Cinderella. Royalty gets to do that sometimes.

 

Keisha: Personally, Prince Charming has never really been my type. When I really start to think about it though, he’s even less my type. I could maybe excuse the appearance in both movies. Snow White first premiered in 1937 and Cinderella in 1950. Perhaps Snow White died, and he was looking for a new queen. I do not think that I can look past the kissing a dead girl thing. I know Snow White was not technically dead, but he didn’t know that. It’s just creepy. And what sort of guy doesn’t ask a girl’s name at some point when he has spent the entire evening with her? Yes, Charming. Everyone at the ball knows your name, but you should still make some sort of introduction. He’s creepy and discourteous. It would never work.

 

That’s it for the collaborative portion of the list. Now we shall tell you our individual picks for undateable men.

 

Chelsea’s Pick: Jay Gatsby/James Gatz

 

It is a little odd for me to pick someone from American Literature, but I feel “ The Great Gatsby” deserves this dubious distinction.

The good: He is a most committed beau. Even if you marry someone else, he will go to great lengths to win your regard and love. He is a millionaire, rather generous, and gives great parties.

The Bad: He will never accept you are, in fact, married to someone else. He is the ultimate stalker. Not only will he discover where you live, he will purchase the closest house he can purely  to be close to you. As for his fortune, it was acquired in a not so savory way. He is friends with the guy who fixed the World Series. How un-American is that? He also likes to throw around shirts as a way to impress you. He will want you to tell your husband (and the father of your child) you never loved him.  In the end, death happens once again. Together, you are responsible for the death of your husband’s mistress. Her husband and Gatsby also take a very long swim. Your cousin also loses it as a result of being involved in your love spats. No one comes to Gatsby’s funeral; that is a true testament to how terrible he was.

 

Keisha’s comments: Chelsea would choose someone from American Lit as undesirable. She loves her Brits. I agree with this choice. Gatsby is a terrible person. He flaunts his money by throwing lavish parties and will go to any lengths to get the woman he loves, even if that involves pulling her out of a seemingly happy marriage. And he was possibly in cahoots with the man who rigged the World Series. I cannot excuse that.

 

Keisha’s Pick: Sherlock Holmes

 

I love Sherlock Holmes. He is one of my favorite characters in all of literature and film. He is brilliant, socially awkward, and arrogant. He’s delightful. When you look under the surface of the Sherlock Holmes myth, however, you find some not so delightful traits. Holmes is a cocaine addict. That’s not good. Also, he’s completely dependent on Watson and Mrs. Hudson for even the smallest things. I don’t think he should be allowed to be alone, ever. I’m not sure that I could deal with such a codependent boyfriend. And there is no conclusive evidence that he is interested in having a romantic relationship. A girlfriend is not mentioned in the original Sir Arthur Conan Doyle stories. In the newer movies featuring Robert Downey Jr. and in BBC’s Sherlock, Irene Adler is Holmes’ love interest. She does appear in one of Doyle’s stories, but Holmes is more intrigued by her than in love with her. I think the same is true in the modern versions. If you can outsmart Holmes, then he is your’s. He almost shows the same feelings toward his adversary, Moriarty. Romance is not his strong suit. Despite his very attractive qualities (and the very attractive men who have recently portrayed him on screen), I just can’t see myself with Sherlock Holmes.

Chelsea’s comments: Keisha and I have christened our house 221 B Baker Street. We refer to one another as Sherlock and Watson at times. I’ll leave it to you to figure out who is who. Sherlock’s only real relationship is with his work. Also, recent adaptations go out of their way to suggest women are not Sherlock’s cuppa. Even if that is untrue, Sherlock would constantly be comparing you to John. “John knows how to make my tea.” “John never makes me listen to his prattle.” The violin playing, the drug addiction, and the inability to clean up after himself are also reasons not to date him.  Regardless, the ACD Sherlock distrusts women, so he would be a very bad boyfriend, despite his many attractions.

That about wraps it up for this post. To our male readers, who would you choose as the most attractive/undateable women of literature or film? We are quite curious. Leave us a comment here or on facebook.

Until next time, we shall bid you a fond farewell. Happy reading.

Swoon Worthy Men of Literature and Film

Hello world! Did you miss us? 

It’s been quite awhile since we have posted anything. Basically, Chelsea left the country and then graduated, leaving Keisha in an inconsolable state where she was unable to write in coherent sentences. Sadly, Keisha had to finish her last year of college without being able to compose anything in writing.  Luckily for you, our beloved readers, Keisha graduated, got a real job, and moved in with Chelsea. Reunited at last!

As our first post as roommates, we decided to be complete girls and build our cases for the most perfect men  in literature and film. Unsurprisingly to most of our readers, the men are mostly from literature that was then turned into film (We love our books). And then, just for fun, we will each propose one additional man and comment on the other’s choice.

Sound fun to you? We hope it does.
 

3. The Beast:

 

What better way to start our list but with a Disney prince? While Beauty and the Beast is a French folk tale dating back to the 1740’s, most people’s minds go to the Disney film of the 1990’s. The story of the Beast is a simple one: He was a prince who was turned into a beast and had to find true love in order be changed back into his human form. While we agree that the character at the beginning of the movie is, in fact, a shallow and unlovable jerk, through the love of Belle he becomes a better person. When he begins to really love her and she looks to be returning his feelings, he lets Belle leave to help her father, even though she may not come back, jeopardizing the Beast’s chances of becoming human again. That’s love. He also has a pretty amazing castle, including a huge library, and servants. What girl could resist that?

 

Chelsea: I am decently sure the no-longer-Beast would just let Belle hang out in the library all day. I like the idea of such a life. The Beast also seems to have good fashion sense, when he bothers to wear clothing. He even does a good job picking out Belle’s attire, although  I do have to  wonder where he acquired Belle’s fantastic yellow ball gown. We know the Beast has changed for the better since Belle came into his life. He has learned to be selfless even to the point of death. Unlike Gaston who ridicules Belle for her love of learning, the Beast presents Belle with her own personal library. Beast not only is okay with her intelligence, he encourages her to read. The observation of the story being some form of Stockholm syndrome keeps Beast from being the perfect man/creature for me.

Keisha: Okay. I’m a sucker for facial hair. The Beast is fantastically rugged looking. There’s a point in his favor. He also shows a great capacity for change. The castle with it’s huge library and great ballroom is another draw. One thing that goes against the Beast for me, however, is I think it’s a bit weird for Belle to love him. She doesn’t know that he’s a prince. What sort of interspecies relationship was she planning on having? This isn’t really the Beast’s fault, but I’m just not sure that he could be the man/Beast for me.

2. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy:

 

Ah, Mr. Darcy of Pemberley. Darcy is a classic leading man created by the incomparable Jane Austen. Should you need to know more, go read Pride and Prejudice or at least watch one of the many film adaptations. Darcy possess the most necessary qualities: He is handsome and rich. Just kidding. Darcy is willing to do whatever it takes to marry Lizzy, even at quite a cost to himself. He is willing to not only admit when he is wrong, but does his best to fix the situation.  He agrees to put up with her crazy family. He is not afraid to anger his relations, such as Lady Catherine, with his choice of wife. He does change throughout the novel as a result of Lizzy’s influence. She makes him better and he does the same for her.  Most importantly: His library is considered to be one of the best in the country.
 

Chelsea: The name Darcy alone stands for masculine perfection. The easy qualifications: he is the master of one of the most beautiful estates in the country. Lizzy teasingly states she first realized her love for him upon seeing his house. Darcy is reputed to be proud, but it keeps him from fortune hunting ladies, such as Miss Bingley. Those who know Darcy best have nothing but praise for him. His housekeeper who has known him since birth is full of kind words about her master. Darcy is fiercely protective of  those he loves. Consider his actions toward Lizzy, Georgiana and Bingley to ensure their continued happiness. Lastly, Darcy has a way with words. I teach English; When a man can use language well, I’ll meet him at sunrise any morning.  
 

Keisha: Oh my. Mr. Darcy. Just the name makes me swoon, actually. While many of the people I talk to find him unlikeable at the beginning of the novel, I love him. His level of social awkwardness makes him all the more endearing to me. He was raised in a moneyed society and should have in his arsenal a great deal of social graces, but he doesn’t. And I like a bit of arrogance with my men. Of course, he does all of the great things for Lizzy, even though she has not returned his advances. That’s what makes him swoon worthy to most girls. “You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.” What girl could resist that? It’s a combination of his social awkwardness, his thoughtfulness, and the lines he uses that make him a winner for me.

1. Aragorn:

For this one, we will be discussing the character from the movies. While Aragorn is fantastic in the Tolkien books, his character is a bit more fleshed out in the films, mostly because he is a great character who deserves more screen time than he did page time. Who has watched the Lord of the Rings movies and not swooned when Aragorn (or Strider if you’re feeling adventurous) came on screen? Not only can he wield a sword like a master, shoot a bow like an elf, and ride a horse like he was born in Rohan, he is completely dedicated to the love of his life. He is adventurous and loving, rules a kingdom, and has hair that blows in the wind while he rides Brego.

Chelsea: It seems like there is nothing Aragorn cannot do. He is a master of every weapon, has some skill as a healer and actually pronounces Mordor correctly.  He is incredibly loyal: he stays true to Arwen when Eowyn attempts to romance him, will not abandon Merry and Pippin to the Orcs and puts Borimir at peace as he is dying. Is it any wonder Arwen gave up her immortality to be with him?

Keisha: Aragorn. I love him. He is the very essence of what a man should be: loyal, brave, humble, skilled, and a romantic. He can take you camping, build your shelter, kill your dinner, fight off trespassers, serenade you, and dress your wounds when you inevitably fall down and hurt yourself. And he’s a king. Girls love royalty. I feel like I should be able to write more about why Aragorn is so perfect, but words fail me. That should be testament enough. That Arwen is a lucky elf indeed.

 

So that’s it for the agreed upon men. Now we will each propose our own fantastic men of literature or film. This should be interesting because we very different tastes when it comes to men. Here are our individual picks:

Chelsea’s Pick: Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing

It you have no idea who this is, check out the new Joss Whedon movie, the Kenneth Branagh version or actually read the play. You will like it, promise.  On the surface, Benedick is a terrible choice for a boyfriend or anything more. He is cynical and a self-professed woman hater.  When you look closer, he holds up to scrutiny much better. To begin, Benedick is incredibly intelligent and has a great sense of humor. His verbal sparring with Beatrice is the highlight of a fantastic show. You always know his honest opinion. He tells his best friend when he is being stupid-multiple times. He is honest and believes others to be as well. When no one else believes the Hero’s story, he does. Benedick also is incredibly loyal. When his new-found love orders Benedick to duel his best friend, he at first refuses.  In this relationship with Beatrice, he has taken the time to consider this relationship.  Lastly, he has no false pretentions about his relationship with Beatrice. Both know the best and worst of one another.

Keisha’s Comments: Well, if you know Chelsea, you knew this one was coming. Chelsea likes to think herself a bit of a Beatrice (which is completely justified). I have spent quite a bit of time with this play, and I see her point. He is quick-witted and a bit of a romantic, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. My main problem with Benedick is he seems to be a bit of a turncloak to me. He agrees to duel and possibly kill his best friend just after he and Beatrice proclaim their love for each other. Other than that though, I’d say this is a satisfactory choice.

Keisha’s Pick: Indiana Jones

 

Indiana Jones. He is a professor, so obviously he is intelligent. There is nothing more attractive than a guy with smarts. But professor is only his day job: his mild-mannered alter ego, if you will. Then he dons the hat and becomes the rugged adventurer that cinema has acknowledged as one of its greatest action heroes. Indiana does have one flaw that makes him a bit undateable though. He likes the ladies quite a bit. On the up side, he does fight to protect whomever his leading lady is, even when she turns out to be a Nazi. Also, he chose to name himself after the dog. That must mean he’s a dog lover, another appealing quality. A list of other attributes I find attractive are his love of history, his fear despite being such an adventurer (“Why did it have to be snakes?”), and his tenacity. And if you need another reason to love Indiana Jones, well just look at him. Harrison Ford was quite attractive in the 80’s. An adventurous dreamy history nerd? Sounds like the guy for me.
 

Chelsea’s comments: I agree on all points. My only argument is simply the fact Indy does not seem to want or to need women around. I think he would make a terrible boyfriend.

So, there you have it. These are the men that we swoon over while watching movies or reading books. Feel free to comment and contradict us, however. We’ve both been on debate teams. We can take the arguments.

We are so glad to be back and plan on posting things much more often.

Literary Battles: Round 1

Well, friends, here it is: our much anticipated blog in which we pit certain literary characters against each other in an epic battle to prove who is best. As a disclaimer, not all of these characters are considered "literary".

     lit·er·ar·y/ˈlitəˌrerē/Adjective

     Concerning the writing, study, or content of literature, esp. of the kind 

     valued for quality of form.

So, as you can tell from the definition, to be literary, a writing has to be deemed to be of high quality. We felt the need to put in this disclaimer because we both were in the same AP English class in high school, and our teacher would be appalled if we used the term "literary" incorrectly.

Here they are: you suggested the battles, and we made them happen. Enjoy.

Battle #1 
The Chosen Ones: Anikain Skywalker vs. Harry Potter

In order for this battle to occur, we must first decide what universe it is taking place in. Is it the Star Wars Universe or the hidden England of J. K Rowling? Putting one character into the other's universe would render the other's powers useless.
Of course, we want this to be a fair fight. So, in the tradition of great literary minds (and we like to pretend we are great literary minds), we created our own universe where both would still have their powers. Yes, just imagine Hogwarts and the Death Star put together: a land of Voldemort and Darth Maul; of castles and spaceships; of the Order of the Phoenix and Jedis. We shall call this place HogStar or Deathwarts: your choice.
Everyone got his or her wand or light saber ready?


[Spoiler Alert: One of the characters in this fight is referred to commonly as "The Boy Who Lived".]


It's a few minutes before sunset. Anakin stands aboard the HogStar/DeathWarts awaiting the arrival of the other chosen one. Harry shows up, completely unaided by his two best friends, who never seem to be in the final battles. Anakin takes a swing at Harry, but Harry yells "Expelliarmus!" and quickly disarms him. Harry decides in this moment to think about his parents and of their sacrifice. Anakin seizes this moment and recovers his light saber. Many other spells are cast and sweeps with the light saber made. Just as it seems that Anakin has the upperhand, Harry casts a spell at Anakin, which drops his voice a few octaves and makes his breathing sound raspy. He later covers this up with a helmet. Anakin makes one last attempt at winning the battle, but as we all know the love of Harry's mother saves him from everything, including Darth Vader to be. Anakin, however, is not so fortunate. I guess his mom just didn't love him enough.
Harry Wins.


Battle #2
The Men of Austen: Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pride and Prejudice vs. Colonel Brandon of Sense and Sensibility

Oh Jane Austen. Her novels give us chivalrous and some not so chivalrous men and strong female heroines. What well-read young woman (or Keira Knightley or BBC fan) has not pined for one of her male leads? Well, perhaps not all of them. As for us, we have a thing for Mr. Darcy. The hidden romantics in us want to say Darcy wins automatically, but upon closer consideration, this may not be so.
In our scenario, Darcy and Brandon have gotten into a prolonged argument over whether Lizzy or Marianne is more accomplished. After several snubs in London, the two have decided to hold a duel to settle the matter once and for all. Darcy shoots first and misses. After all, shooting is not his strong point. He's better at being the brooding hero and such. Brandon however, has spent time in the army and is a much better shot. His bullet also goes awry, but not by much.
By this time, Elizabeth and Marianne have found out about the duel and have shown up. They are appalled and make their husbands promise to be friends.
It's a draw between Darcy and Brandon, but the winner of this match is clear: the wives.


Battle #3
Elizabeth Bennett of Pride and Prejudice vs. Beatrice of Much Ado About Nothing

Chelsea thought this would be a fun battle because the characters are so similar. Both are witty, well spoken, unconventional heroines who are convinced that their hero is the last person in the world they could ever end up with. That said, this battle begins as a battle of wits.Our two heroines are well matched and the battle continues for hours. In the end however, we must remember: Beatrice will eat your heart in the marketplace.

[Side comment: These women are two of Chelsea's favorite characters in all of literature, which is saying something, as Chelsea reads a lot of books. It pains her that either should lose. However, Keisha reminds her that literary battles aren't for wimps and that one must win.]

Battle #4
Clifford the Big Red Dog vs. Curious George

This seems like a pretty easy battle to determine the winner of. Clifford is a HUGE dog, and Curious George is but a normal-sized monkey. But since the obvious is too easy, we don't think size should be the determining factor in this battle.
Clifford is a nice dog, and he never causes bad things to happen on purpose. Along with his human Emily Elizabeth, he helps his neighborhood and is an upstanding citizen. He gets into some bad situations, but he always makes the best of it.
In contrast, Curious George is a mischievous little monkey who would get into much more trouble if it weren't for the man in the yellow hat. Let's face it: Curious George is a menace to society, and the man in the yellow hat should have taken him back to the jungle a long time ago.
That being said, a fight would be no contest. Curious George would fiendishly attack Clifford, and Clifford may sit on him. Clifford when then become worried about Curious George and would have Emily Elizabeth call the paramedics to revive him. Curious George would then pretend to shake Clifford's paw but would actually fling poo into his eyes. (Monkeys do that sort of thing. We've seen it at the zoo.) This would immobilize Clifford, and the monkey would attack.
Sad to say, Curious George wins this one.

Well, there you have it. Thus concludes round one of our blog series on literary battles. We're thinking about doing these sort of posts regularly along with our other musings. Please comment or email us at keisha.chelsea@gmail.com with more suggestions for who you would like to see in our next installment of literary battles.
Thanks for reading dears.

We need help! (No, not that kind)

Dear readers,

We have recently come up with a brilliant idea. (We do that often.) We have decided that we want to write a blog post pitting literary characters against one another in a cage match, sumo wrestling, old west shootout type of way. As we discussed this, however, we could not agree upon who we would put aganist each other, thus leading to a Keisha and Chelsea cage match. It was not pretty.

So we have decided to leave it up to you. Which literary characters would you like to see in a match to the death? (Yes, we are aware they were never alive and cannot die, but go with it.)

Please leave your suggestions in the comment box. So, who will it be? Elizabeth Bennet vs. Beatrice? Pim vs. Estella? Shakespeare vs. Edgar Allen Poe? (We know the last ones are real, well at least 1.) We are sure that you will have wonderful suggestions.

Sincerely yours,

Keisha and Chelsea

P.S. We looked at our stats on blogger today and saw that we have readers in the UK, Germany, and even Columbia, as well as in the US. We cannot tell you how excited this has made us. Please drop us some comments and let us know what you think of our blog.

Transcendentalists: The Original Hippies

First off, we know that word in the title is long and scary. Anything with a long and scary name can't be like hippies. Oh, but it can. Think back to high school English, most likely your junior year. You studied these guys. Remember Emerson and Thoreau? Walden? Civil Disobedience? Fine then. Do a google search. We'll wait. Now that you have been reminded of the finer points of Transcendentalism, we present to you reasons why these guys were the first hippies.

1. A love of nature.
These guys really loved nature. In fact, Thoreau actually wrote about his experiences living in a cabin near a pond. He named it too: Walden. It was a sort of experiment: man communing with nature and not being materialistic. Just forget the fact that this cabin was very close to civilization and that he went home on the weekends. Every movement needs its phonies. All this nature-loving meant that the Transcendentalists weren't the most hygienic people. So, they "communed" with nature and didn't bathe. Sounds a lot like the hippies to us.

2. Groupies
At one point, this was a big movement. People really thought this was the way to live that would solve all of their problems. Keisha, is in fact, a modern day Transcendental groupie. She actually at one time considered travelling in her car to go hiking and communing with nature. She likes to think of herself as a modern-day Transcendentalist, but she sounds a little like a hippie.

3. Names
The leaders of this movement had long, odd, and difficult to pronounce names. We realize we can't blame then for what their parents named them, but referring to yourself as Henry David Thoreau or Ralph Waldo Emerson is a bit much. We googled hippie names, and here is a sampling: Cloud, Flower, Windsong, Natura, Zen. They are simpler to say but are just as pretentious as the names of the Transcendentalists.

4. Government Protests
Unfortunately, these were not the kind with signs and all. Thoreau just refused to pay taxes and spent some time in jail until his friends bailed him out. He was protesting a poll tax he was required to pay in order to vote. So, picture it as a public sit-in, only in jail.

5. Not Shaving



Thoreau: Note the scraggly beard.                Emerson: Love the bushy sideburns.
                                                                                                              
6. Peace and Love
We all know that the hippies were really into their peace signs and the whole "Make love, not war" thing. Well, that was started by the Transcendentalists. The Transcendentalists believed that they could transcend the materialism of this world through communing with nature. Also, they were a very pacifist sort of people. The Transcendentalists would have fit in just fine at a rally protesting the Vietnam War.

7. No Real Jobs
This point is mostly here because Chelsea believes the Transcendentalists were hack jobs who needed real jobs. Truly, they all lived off whoever had been published most recently. Walden Cottage was on Emerson's property and Thoreau was just a mooch. The hippies, of course, drove around in VW buses and sang around the campfire. Not much work going on there. Keisha was going to add a rebuttal to this and say something about how writing is a real job and so is public activism. Then, she realized that she is indeed a Transcendentalist groupie and has a dream of becoming a bum.

8. Woodstock
So, we have not been able to prove that the Transcendentalists had an actual Woodstock, but we like to think that they all got together and read poetry and essays to each other. We're pretty sure that there were some sort of drugs involved in this. Hey, they did love nature. This is all conjecture of course.

There you have it. Those are our reasons why we think that the Transcendentalists were the first hippies. Chelsea says that our high school English teacher would be disappointed if she saw this. Oh well. Good thing we've already graduated.

We leave you with some of our favorite quotes from Transcendentalists and from hippies:

"Imitation is suicide." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is." -Bob Dylan


"A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting." -Henry David Thoreau

The Snowpocalypse

Bolivar has been hit with a monumental event. This storm has been named the Snowpocalypse. We present to you two views on this historical happening.

Chelsea: This is quite something! Southwest Baptist University has cancelled classes for not one, but two days. It has been quite a while since SBU has cancelled classes. I've heard it has been 23 years since SBU cancelled classes, but I think it's probably more like 1100 A.D the last time school was cancelled. Yes, SBU was around then. Even though SBU cancelled classes, they did still feed us. Thus, most of my dorm trekked the half-mile to Mellers. I know half a mile doesn't sound like much, but remember we were in blizzard conditions! I couldn't see the nose on my face. The other dorms complained, but they just don't understand what Memorial goes through.
The second way we know this truly is an event to go down in the books is Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-mart last night to fufill a want, nay a need for chocolate milk. There I saw simply shocking scenes (nice alliteration huh?). Wal-mart was out of bread. Really, I think there were 3 loaves of bread left. As I continued to the back of the store where they keep the milk,just so I have to pass the valentines aisle and think about how I will have only my cats to spend Single Awareness day with in the future. Anyway, there was also no milk. Well, there was milk or I would have been very sad. There were very few gallons of milk left and no half gallons at all. Wal-mart was out of basic foods-it's a rather scary thing.
Lastly, The National Guard was called in. That is a state of emergency.
There you have it- 2 proofs of just how scary this thing is.

Keisha: The professors here tried to scare me the first few days of classes. Four out of six have it stated in the syllabus that the only reason for cancelling class is a power outage. Today and tomorrow classes are cancelled, and as I sit in Chelsea's dorm room typing this blog, the lights are on and we're watching Glee, so obviously the campus is not without power.
There is a bit of snow here, but I'm not sure what the big deal is. People seem so impressed by how much snow there is in Bolivar, and yes, 11 inches is quite a bit, but really? I'm used to this kind of snow. In Trenton, Mo (where I've lived for the past few years), there was already a foot of snow on the ground before this round of snow storms. My old college didn't even cancel classes today. I find this all very odd. It amuses me how snow freaks out people who aren't used to it. Bolivar has actually declared a state of emergency and has contacted the National Guard. The people of Trenton just call their neighbors who own the tractor to blade out their driveways. It's a strange thing.
The real measuring stick of how crazy people are acting around here is Wal-Mart. I went yesterday, and there was actually a line of people waiting for carts. I have never in my life seen people at Wal-Mart waiting for carts. A lot of the food stuff, such as bread, milk, and Ramen, were gone. The check out lines were pretty long too. The lady at the jewelry counter was the one who rang up my purchases.
So in summary, it snowed here, people are going crazy, I don't understand it. I would like to close by saying, "Ha ha professors. Your syllabuses are incorrect."

The Greeks: Brilliant or just Depressed?

The idea of this blog is more to provide two different viewpoints on issues, mostly relating to literature or the happenings in our lives. That said, the conversation that this post is based off of, we feel, was too good to pass up. Enjoy.

While on a decently long car ride last week without a working radio, Keisha and Chelsea began to discuss Literature. As is the case with many conversations between us, it began with Hamlet. Keisha remarked that Hamlet has some funny bits, despite being a tragedy, whereas Greek Tragedy is just depressing and dramatic throughout. It was quickly decided the Ancient Greeks were emo. For those who haven't been in High School lately, emo is short for emotional and is the less extreme version of being goth. If you don't know what that is, go make friends with a high-schooler who is dressed in black.  We now present our proofs for why the Greeks were emo.

 Have you ever read Greek Tragedy? 
Things go from bad to worse to "is that even possible? " Poisoned dresses, children murdered by their mothers, finding out your wife is your mother and your children are your siblings and gouging your eyes out. It doesn't get much worse and those are only 2 plays. I would read more of them, but my therapist advises against it.


Togas
The real reason the Greeks wore togas was to show off their cut marks. The further up your arms and the deeper the cuts were showed how truly emo you were. The more emo you were, the higher in rank. Sleeveless togas worked perfectly to show off your cuts. Perhaps the artsy ones even made designs. Silly artists always wanting to show off. They took suffering for your art to an extreme.

Statues
This is exactly why the statues we find from ancient Greece have no arms. The decedents of the ancient Greeks became ashamed of their ancestors. They didn't want anyone to find the statures, complete with the cut marks. So they broke the arms off all of the statues. Somewhere, there is an ancient garbage dump full of nothing but marble arms complete with cut marks.

So there you have it. The Ancient Greeks were, without a doubt, emo. 
I believe in the same car ride, we gave Hamlet a happy ending, but I believe we will defer that to another blog post.